The Captain Takes on Dear Abby!

Many times a reader will see a letter from "Dear Abby" and want to hear my take on the situation. Well I was emailed a link to this letter from one of our loyal female fans:


Dear Abby:
I’m 27 and in a three-year-long relationship that has been slowly falling apart. A year before it began, I ended a two-year union with another guy. While the two men are completely different, both relationships ended for similar reasons.I am a successful, independent woman. Apparently, this made each one feel like less of a man. While I’m told my qualities are part of the reason I’m attractive, men want to “prove themselves” before they commit to marriage. Things usually fall apart when their career plans shift and they feel like they’re starting over. I try to be supportive, but nothing works. They begin resenting me for everything I have accomplished.I am on a path to achieve everything I can before I scale back to have children and put my family first. I have two master’s degrees. I’m working on my license in a traditionally male profession. I’m on the board of directors of several nonprofits. I own my own home. But I’m beginning to be afraid I’ll never have the family life I have always wanted. Should I resign myself to the fact that I can’t have it all? — Successful ... On Paper, Charlotte, N.c.


I will post the link to Abby's answer but let the Captain speak the truth:

Dear Successful...On Paper, This is your Captain Speaking,
There are a few reasons that you are single.
With anything that is stated on this site I will generalize my answer. Typically very successful women are not your 8's, 9's, and 10's. What you see on TV shows displaying super hot successful women is not what you get in real life. Need proof. Look at your top ten most successful women in industry. There is barely an 8 on that list.

1. Indra Nooyi
2. Irene Rosenfeld
3. Pat Woertz
4. Angela Braly
5. Andrea Jung
6. Oprah Winfrey
7. Ellen Kullman
8. Carol Bartz
9. Ursula Burns
10. Brenda Barnes

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

My point is, that when you are a 5, 6 or 7 you have to work harder to keep your man. Men typically don't care how smart a woman is, or how much a woman makes. The problem becomes the woman herself. The successful woman has typically become so, by being smarter, working harder and proving herself to be better then men. Day in and day out, this woman has to be earlier, be smarter, defend herself against sabotage and jealousy, all in efforts to get to the top of the corporate food chain.

Therein lies the problem. She doesn't know how to turn it off. There is no top of the food chain at home. There is no boardroom, so that behavior just turns a man off. A guy doesn't want to come home and compete! A successful woman, can not shut-up about how successful she is. I mean, look at the letter; instead of simply saying she's successful she goes into "chest beating" detail at nauseam about her successes. Big Whoop!

Another thing to keep in my, the last thing a man wants is your advice on his career. Trust me. So if you think you are being "supportive" by giving him suggestions, or bringing home brochures of classes or certifications he can get, your not helping, you are throwing your success and his inability to succeed in his face. Fall back and let the man be the man.

When you find the next guy that is willing to date you; accept him for what he makes at the time you meet him. Don't put any expectations on his career, and don't shove your success in his face. Be supportive, if he is trying something new, has a new job, or a new idea. Help out traditionally by making his favorite dinner when he comes home or packing a nice lunch. You make more money so how about surprising him with tickets to his favorite teams, or a certificate to Golfland. This will go a lot further then any advice or help you can provide. Nothing emasculates a man more then a woman trying to solve his problems.

"The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is" - ~Robert Brault,

This is your Captain Speaking
Men - Let's Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)
-Captain Jack


See Dear Abby's response here

Read more...

Ask the Captain. Is she right for me?

Josh from Palmdale, CA asks:
Dear Captain,
I feel like I’ve met the woman of my dreams, we’ve been together for 6 months and I feel like this is the one. How do I really know?


How do you know if you are with the right person? The answer is a lot simpler then you think. Simply ask yourself, "If you hit the Mega million jackpot tomorrow would you leave your significant other"? Now, the key to this evaluation is to be truly honest with yourself. Don’t just sputter off in your head, what you think sounds nice. Take a second and truly thing this through. Remember, you are now a multi-millionaire. You are worth 165 million dollars. That is KMA (Kiss My A$$) money. You can literally walk around all day and just tell people to kiss your ass. You can hire 10 people, pay them $100,000 per year for 10 years just to kiss your ass, full time, and you would have only spent $10 of your $165 million.

How does this apply to your relationship? Well now that you are a multi-millionaire, you can live out all your dreams. You are now trim and buff because you are working out everyday. You are no longer sitting in a cube everyday typing, instead you are getting out, eating well, and living life. You are feeling super self confident because nothing gets your swag back like m-o-n-e-y. You are driving every car you could possibly imagine. You are traveling to exotic places. No more Lemon tree hair cuts, you go to a real salon and have them hook you up. You go often because now $20 is literally like $.02.

Before the money you were sort of charming, kind of funny but not feeling so self confident. Now that you are $165 million richer & CEO of your own KMA Company, you are ten times more attractive.

Now that your visualization is complete, continue to imagine it’s early Sunday morning and you just had another wild rich-guy Saturday night. You wake up & you see woman’s clothes on the floor and you hear someone in your 200 sq ft. bathroom. The toilet flushes, you hear the sink run and the door opens up. WHO WALKS OUT?

If it’s the girl that you are currently with – then you are not settling and she is the one. But you have to ask yourself this question over and over. 1 month, 3 months, 12 months into the relationship. Then you are solid.

Only about 1% of the population could honestly answer yes. The next question is, " How much are you settling". $165 million is a lot of coin.
We all know that a man dates only as hot as he can afford, and a woman dates only as rich as she can attract. Water finds it’s own level, therefore we use the settling scale to determine the % of marital success. Depending on what level you are in your life assuming that you are at your peak here is the scale levels 1-7. (if you are not at your peak, then don’t bother getting married – peaking after marriage = cheating)
1. Mulitmillionaire – 99.8%
2. Millionaire – 88%
3. Debt Free – 85%
4. Mid to High Six figure salary $500K and above – 75%
5. Six Figure Salary – 70%
6. Doing well $60 – $100K– 65%
7. Living the daily struggle – 55%

You don’t actually have to earn the salaries in the scale but just imagine if you did. Would you stay? If you were debt free, no bills, got to keep and spend your entire pay check, would you stay? If you answer yes, then you have an 85% chance of marital happiness. Now this does not reflect 'chance of divorce', this just reflects if you are settling or not. You can have all the money in the world (‘ahem..Tiger Woods) and still have a screwed up marriage, but there is a 99.8% chance that you will not regret marrying her because of her looks or compatibility at the time of engagement. You will never hear Tiger complain about Elin being hot enough or not being super cool during the time they were dating. Unfortunately I don’t have a chart that reflects ANYTHING once you put a ring on that finger. If I did I would have even more millions then I already do.

-The Captain
Gentlemen - Let's Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)

Read more...

ASK THE CAPTAIN

Tony from N.C. writes:
Dear Captain,

Just recently my girlfriend asked to move in with me. When I told her that I wasn't ready, it was a complete shock to her and now our relationship is spiraling out of control. Should I let her move in to put things back on track and get my sweet loving girlfriend back?

Tony, Tony, Tony,
This answer comes in two parts:

PART I
I'm not sure how old you are but you should not entertain the notion of moving anyone in your house until you are at least 27 years old. Moving in is like getting married; once they are in they are hard or impossible to get out. If you aren’t sure then you aren’t sure. You will never be 100% sure, but if you are 75/25 forget about it!

PART II
If you give her what she wants just because she is acting like a bitch; you've just wrote the script for the remainder of your relationship. She will now have a license to act like a bitch whenever you are not giving her exactly what she wants! You bagged her, you can always bag another. Men have the option of Y&H (Younger & Hotter) women don't. I am getting more, younger hotter tail now then I was when I was 25. Men get more confident, wise, arrogant and wealthier with age. This attracts hotter women. You will always have that going for you.

CONCLUSION:
Sit her down for a serious conversation. Tell her that the last thing you want to do is create a situation that is miserable for you both. Then in no uncertain terms; you tell her to
FIX HER ATTITUDE, or you will drop her like a bad transmission!! Say it and mean it.

-This is your Captain speaking
Men, let's Take Our Ball Back (T.O.B.B.)

Moving In
Relationship
breaking up
Questions
Women

Read more...