Ask the Captain. Is she right for me?

Josh from Palmdale, CA asks:
Dear Captain,
I feel like I’ve met the woman of my dreams, we’ve been together for 6 months and I feel like this is the one. How do I really know?


How do you know if you are with the right person? The answer is a lot simpler then you think. Simply ask yourself, "If you hit the Mega million jackpot tomorrow would you leave your significant other"? Now, the key to this evaluation is to be truly honest with yourself. Don’t just sputter off in your head, what you think sounds nice. Take a second and truly thing this through. Remember, you are now a multi-millionaire. You are worth 165 million dollars. That is KMA (Kiss My A$$) money. You can literally walk around all day and just tell people to kiss your ass. You can hire 10 people, pay them $100,000 per year for 10 years just to kiss your ass, full time, and you would have only spent $10 of your $165 million.

How does this apply to your relationship? Well now that you are a multi-millionaire, you can live out all your dreams. You are now trim and buff because you are working out everyday. You are no longer sitting in a cube everyday typing, instead you are getting out, eating well, and living life. You are feeling super self confident because nothing gets your swag back like m-o-n-e-y. You are driving every car you could possibly imagine. You are traveling to exotic places. No more Lemon tree hair cuts, you go to a real salon and have them hook you up. You go often because now $20 is literally like $.02.

Before the money you were sort of charming, kind of funny but not feeling so self confident. Now that you are $165 million richer & CEO of your own KMA Company, you are ten times more attractive.

Now that your visualization is complete, continue to imagine it’s early Sunday morning and you just had another wild rich-guy Saturday night. You wake up & you see woman’s clothes on the floor and you hear someone in your 200 sq ft. bathroom. The toilet flushes, you hear the sink run and the door opens up. WHO WALKS OUT?

If it’s the girl that you are currently with – then you are not settling and she is the one. But you have to ask yourself this question over and over. 1 month, 3 months, 12 months into the relationship. Then you are solid.

Only about 1% of the population could honestly answer yes. The next question is, " How much are you settling". $165 million is a lot of coin.
We all know that a man dates only as hot as he can afford, and a woman dates only as rich as she can attract. Water finds it’s own level, therefore we use the settling scale to determine the % of marital success. Depending on what level you are in your life assuming that you are at your peak here is the scale levels 1-7. (if you are not at your peak, then don’t bother getting married – peaking after marriage = cheating)
1. Mulitmillionaire – 99.8%
2. Millionaire – 88%
3. Debt Free – 85%
4. Mid to High Six figure salary $500K and above – 75%
5. Six Figure Salary – 70%
6. Doing well $60 – $100K– 65%
7. Living the daily struggle – 55%

You don’t actually have to earn the salaries in the scale but just imagine if you did. Would you stay? If you were debt free, no bills, got to keep and spend your entire pay check, would you stay? If you answer yes, then you have an 85% chance of marital happiness. Now this does not reflect 'chance of divorce', this just reflects if you are settling or not. You can have all the money in the world (‘ahem..Tiger Woods) and still have a screwed up marriage, but there is a 99.8% chance that you will not regret marrying her because of her looks or compatibility at the time of engagement. You will never hear Tiger complain about Elin being hot enough or not being super cool during the time they were dating. Unfortunately I don’t have a chart that reflects ANYTHING once you put a ring on that finger. If I did I would have even more millions then I already do.

-The Captain
Gentlemen - Let's Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)