Poor Guys = Fat Women

>> Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Well it’s not only obvious, but it’s true in most cases. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule:
1. Chubby chasers,
2. Guys with low self esteem,
3. Guys with fat mothers

However the majority of men who earn a decent living do not date or want to date fat chicks.

In the black community the definition of fat is slightly different. White fat, and black fat are different based on body type & genetic make up, but they both have their versions of fat, and the more money you make the less likely you are to be with a fat chick.

Fat chicks are the Dodge Neon’s of compatibility. When you were a kid and dreamed of your dream car, it was always, Ferrari’s, Benzes, Lambo’s and Porsche’s. Your dream girls were always super hot, in shape, buxum, and in shape. No one dreams of Neons' and Fat Chicks!!!

As you get older and start working, if you worked hard in school and on your job, invested your money wisely, then you can drive that Porsche. You can get that S-class Benzo. If you are moderately successful you might be able to get yourself into a 3 Series BMW or a Used 5 Series – Not really Halle Berry, but not Rosie O’Donnell either.

On the flip side, if you were a slacker, drank and smoked all day, pissed away your early twenties & never made it to college or a decent trade then you are lucky to be driving a 96 Dodge Neon. The exact same thing goes with women.

Hot girl = Porsche
Fat Girl = Dodge Neon Dodge

If someone told these losers this back in High School, they would have straightened out along time ago. Put that equation in your 5th Grade Math book with some pictures and a lot of guys would be earning a lot more money.

If you are fat and have landed a man that's making about $50K , the only reason he's staying with you is because it's cheaper. If he dumped you, he wouldn't have enough money for a hot chick - but if he won the lottery I bet dollars to donuts that he would drop your fat a$$ 6 ways from Sunday

I would love to hear your feedback. Am I wrong????
-This is your Captain Speaking
An FTB Bloggers Blog


Free Agency is just like a Prenup

>> Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Lebron vs Dan Gilbert another reason, a man needs a solid prenup!

Their relationship was one that only dreams are made from. LeBron was to Dan Gilbert, what Montell Williams was to his wife Grace Morely – A former burlesque dancer, Paul McCartney to Heather Mills (an amputee / former model) and what Tiger was to Elin also a former Model turned Nanny. Dan Gilbert was his “Pretty Woman” (like the movie…sorry for the sappy comparison but if the shoe or show fits…. )

Lebron took that franchise from coach class to first class. In 2005 Dan Gilbert brought the Cavaliers for $375 Million. He made $100 million on this investment as of Dec. 2009 when the team was valued at $476 Million. A lot of that value can be attributed directly to Lebron James. He’s not just a good player, but arguably (and I would bet a Kobe steak that he’s not) the best in the league. This attraction leads to ticket sales, TV deals, and sold out playoff games at home.

Lebron put all his love and heart into that team, took them to the NBA finals once and have tried to repeat that feat every year since, only to be confronted with failure. Cleveland had the best record in the NBA going into the post season with record attendance and sell outs, but still couldn’t get the job done.

«:::W:::» «:::I:::» «:::T:::» «:::N:::» «:::E:::» «:::S:::» «:::S:::»
Quicken Loans Arena
Owner: Gateway Economic Development Corp.
Year Opened: 1994
Capacity: 20,562
Cost To Build: $152 mil
Concessionaire: Aramark
Average Ticket Price: $56

The Cavaliers experienced a history-making, record-breaking 2008-09 regular season on the court, as well as off the court. Two new franchise records were set in average attendance (20,512) and the number of sellouts (38 total, with the last 29 games of the season all sold out.) Compared to the previous season, Cavaliers merchandise sales were up 80% and local cable TV ratings on FS Ohio increased another 110%.

Lebrons’ contribution was undeniable.

Once Lebron discovers, that he can't get out of the franchise what he is putting in, he decides to leave. Just like when a man and woman split. When the man has given all he can give, tried everything he could and decides that it’s not working, he leaves.

At this point you have to imagine, as the owner of the 5th ranked most valuable NBA franchise, with the number 1 player in the NBA on your team, that you would have a great relationship with that player. Dinners, long talks, mentoring, money making…..in general, a lot of good times!

Well when LBJ decides to leave, it got nasty! So nasty in fact that Gilbert lost his cool.


That's an email that you wait on before you hit send - Gilbert sent that out immediately after "The Decision".

With all that James has done and given that team, Gilbert turns into a little bitch. That shows you the depths of human emotion when someone feels betrayed. How could he not respect the decision and give a heartfelt “Thanks”. As a friend when your friend makes an unpopular decision you might disagree and be saddened but you ultimately want him to be happy. Dan Gilbert was never really a friend. Maybe Lebron sensed that and this contributed to his decision to leave, like a husband that feels some alternative motive behind his wives affection.

Luckily BronBron had a Prenup called “free agency”! If only every 5 years we could reevaluate our marriages, but since we can't we have real Prenups. No matter how great it appears, and how much fun you are having in the moment, it could turn bad quick! I guarantee you that 2 weeks ago, Labron was on his way out mentally and Dan Gilbert was still in love, with the Lebron Witness PJ’s, the LBJ poster hanging on his gym locker and drinking the Bron Bron Vitamin Water.

Meanwhile Lebron is free and clear. Just like men, Lebron went younger and hotter! We always have that option, and he gets to do this all again in just 5 years.

This is your captain speaking. T.O.B.B. (Take Our Balls Back!)
An FTB Bloggers Blog.



>> Sunday, June 20, 2010

Every now and then I sit around with the boys and we do what I call, “The Captain’s Critique”. After awhile we thought that everyone could benefit from this little nugget of knowledge so we added it as a feature on the blog!

The Captain’s Critique is the Captain’s opinion of an online personal ad – we figured men can learn what to watch out for, and women can learn what to and not to write.

Here goes (exactly as written)……

For some reason there are so many men that's affraid of independant strong
females. I'm strong and Independant and I'll let u wear the pants.. u Just have
to know how to wear theme well lol..But at the same time I want someone to spend
on me for a change.I want to be wine and dined and treated like a queen.I
deserve it I been the giver too long it's my turn..I'm kool, loving, smart,love
to laugh.I would love to travel more one day with that special someone.A turn
off to me is insecure men.I'm secure i want him to be so we can make things
happen.I'm all about building and doing it together. So fellas if u stopped by
my page and dont like what u see thats fine.(smile)I'm a great catch, if u have
what it takes to catch me. I dont ask for much....smoochez hit me up if u want
to learn more about me**

Wow, after reading that, I’m sure she’s beating the men off with a stick!!
First and foremost – Spell check, spell check, spell check. I know us men aren’t looking for brain surgeons but it would be nice to know that my girlfriend could send an email invite to a party without sounding like an idiot.

Second, it’s not that men are afraid of independent, strong females, we just can’t stand hearing them talk. Do you see…she will let you wear the pants. Then in the next breath – this battle ax (oh yeah, she’s a big-un) goes on to say that she wants someone to spend on HER for a change. She wants to be wined and dined for crying out loud. I thought you were a strong independent female?!? This screams of a nagging, whining, beyatch who is never satisfied. My dear, you don’t get treated like a queen unless you earn it.

Let’s not forget she is kool, with a “K” loving, smart, and loves to laugh and travel. Any broad who says that they love to travel, loves when you spend your money on her to travel. Do you honestly think that this beast has been anywhere besides her local pub? Traveling for her is a trip to the beach chair section of Walmart. A man does not say, “Oh wow, she loves to travel, Great!”. What he does say is, “Oh wow, she is a gourmet cook!”

She is turned off by an insecure man, but that’s all she is going to attract with this kind of ad. Any guy worth his balls is going to laugh at this and keep moving. If I’m secure, then why would I deal with this for one second . Why would I look at this ad twice, unless she was smoking hot!! Even then, why, when there are so many other women out there who are smart enough to conceal their intentions and not say, “I want to be treated like a queen”. WARNING: A beyatch who is not even afraid to conceal the fact that she is a beyatch is scary and dangerous.

She boasts how great a catch see is, if someone has what it takes to catch her. I could bait a hook with a Double Whopper with cheese and she would be all mine…..but then she would open that pie-hole and start yappin’, and I would have to throw her back!

If you have an ad you would like me to critique – please send it to: cptjack@gmail.com

This is your Captain Speaking.
An Ftb bloggers blog


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