The Fatter the Knuckle, the Smaller the Diamond

Poor Guys = Fat Women

2010-08-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Well it’s not only obvious, but it’s true in most cases. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule:
1. Chubby chasers,
2. Guys with low self esteem,
3. Guys with fat mothers

However the majority of men who earn a decent living do not date or want to date fat chicks.

In the black community the definition of fat is slightly different. White fat, and black fat are different based on body type & genetic make up, but they both have their versions of fat, and the more money you make the less likely you are to be with a fat chick.

Fat chicks are the Dodge Neon’s of compatibility. When you were a kid and dreamed of your dream car, it was always, Ferrari’s, Benzes, Lambo’s and Porsche’s. Your dream girls were always super hot, in shape, buxum, and in shape. No one dreams of Neons' and Fat Chicks!!!

As you get older and start working, if you worked hard in school and on your job, invested your money wisely, then you can drive that Porsche. You can get that S-class Benzo. If you are moderately successful you might be able to get yourself into a 3 Series BMW or a Used 5 Series – Not really Halle Berry, but not Rosie O’Donnell either.

On the flip side, if you were a slacker, drank and smoked all day, pissed away your early twenties & never made it to college or a decent trade then you are lucky to be driving a 96 Dodge Neon. The exact same thing goes with women.

Hot girl = Porsche
Fat Girl = Dodge Neon Dodge

If someone told these losers this back in High School, they would have straightened out along time ago. Put that equation in your 5th Grade Math book with some pictures and a lot of guys would be earning a lot more money.

If you are fat and have landed a man that's making about $50K , the only reason he's staying with you is because it's cheaper. If he dumped you, he wouldn't have enough money for a hot chick - but if he won the lottery I bet dollars to donuts that he would drop your fat a$$ 6 ways from Sunday

I would love to hear your feedback. Am I wrong????
-This is your Captain Speaking
An FTB Bloggers Blog

Free Agency is just like a Prenup

2010-07-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

Lebron vs Dan Gilbert another reason, a man needs a solid prenup!

Their relationship was one that only dreams are made from. LeBron was to Dan Gilbert, what Montell Williams was to his wife Grace Morely – A former burlesque dancer, Paul McCartney to Heather Mills (an amputee / former model) and what Tiger was to Elin also a former Model turned Nanny. Dan Gilbert was his “Pretty Woman” (like the movie…sorry for the sappy comparison but if the shoe or show fits…. )

Lebron took that franchise from coach class to first class. In 2005 Dan Gilbert brought the Cavaliers for $375 Million. He made $100 million on this investment as of Dec. 2009 when the team was valued at $476 Million. A lot of that value can be attributed directly to Lebron James. He’s not just a good player, but arguably (and I would bet a Kobe steak that he’s not) the best in the league. This attraction leads to ticket sales, TV deals, and sold out playoff games at home.

Lebron put all his love and heart into that team, took them to the NBA finals once and have tried to repeat that feat every year since, only to be confronted with failure. Cleveland had the best record in the NBA going into the post season with record attendance and sell outs, but still couldn’t get the job done.

«:::W:::» «:::I:::» «:::T:::» «:::N:::» «:::E:::» «:::S:::» «:::S:::»
THE HOUSE THAT JAMES BUILT:
Quicken Loans Arena
Owner: Gateway Economic Development Corp.
Year Opened: 1994
Capacity: 20,562
Cost To Build: $152 mil
Concessionaire: Aramark
Average Ticket Price: $56

The Cavaliers experienced a history-making, record-breaking 2008-09 regular season on the court, as well as off the court. Two new franchise records were set in average attendance (20,512) and the number of sellouts (38 total, with the last 29 games of the season all sold out.) Compared to the previous season, Cavaliers merchandise sales were up 80% and local cable TV ratings on FS Ohio increased another 110%.

Lebrons’ contribution was undeniable.

Once Lebron discovers, that he can't get out of the franchise what he is putting in, he decides to leave. Just like when a man and woman split. When the man has given all he can give, tried everything he could and decides that it’s not working, he leaves.

At this point you have to imagine, as the owner of the 5th ranked most valuable NBA franchise, with the number 1 player in the NBA on your team, that you would have a great relationship with that player. Dinners, long talks, mentoring, money making…..in general, a lot of good times!

Well when LBJ decides to leave, it got nasty! So nasty in fact that Gilbert lost his cool.

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP
BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING' WINS ONE"

That's an email that you wait on before you hit send - Gilbert sent that out immediately after "The Decision".

With all that James has done and given that team, Gilbert turns into a little bitch. That shows you the depths of human emotion when someone feels betrayed. How could he not respect the decision and give a heartfelt “Thanks”. As a friend when your friend makes an unpopular decision you might disagree and be saddened but you ultimately want him to be happy. Dan Gilbert was never really a friend. Maybe Lebron sensed that and this contributed to his decision to leave, like a husband that feels some alternative motive behind his wives affection.

Luckily BronBron had a Prenup called “free agency”! If only every 5 years we could reevaluate our marriages, but since we can't we have real Prenups. No matter how great it appears, and how much fun you are having in the moment, it could turn bad quick! I guarantee you that 2 weeks ago, Labron was on his way out mentally and Dan Gilbert was still in love, with the Lebron Witness PJ’s, the LBJ poster hanging on his gym locker and drinking the Bron Bron Vitamin Water.

Meanwhile Lebron is free and clear. Just like men, Lebron went younger and hotter! We always have that option, and he gets to do this all again in just 5 years.

This is your captain speaking. T.O.B.B. (Take Our Balls Back!)
An FTB Bloggers Blog.

THE CAPTAIN’S CRITIQUE

2010-06-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I sit around with the boys and we do what I call, “The Captain’s Critique”. After awhile we thought that everyone could benefit from this little nugget of knowledge so we added it as a feature on the blog!

The Captain’s Critique is the Captain’s opinion of an online personal ad – we figured men can learn what to watch out for, and women can learn what to and not to write.

Here goes (exactly as written)……

For some reason there are so many men that's affraid of independant strong
females. I'm strong and Independant and I'll let u wear the pants.. u Just have
to know how to wear theme well lol..But at the same time I want someone to spend
on me for a change.I want to be wine and dined and treated like a queen.I
deserve it I been the giver too long it's my turn..I'm kool, loving, smart,love
to laugh.I would love to travel more one day with that special someone.A turn
off to me is insecure men.I'm secure i want him to be so we can make things
happen.I'm all about building and doing it together. So fellas if u stopped by
my page and dont like what u see thats fine.(smile)I'm a great catch, if u have
what it takes to catch me. I dont ask for much....smoochez hit me up if u want
to learn more about me**

Wow, after reading that, I’m sure she’s beating the men off with a stick!!
First and foremost – Spell check, spell check, spell check. I know us men aren’t looking for brain surgeons but it would be nice to know that my girlfriend could send an email invite to a party without sounding like an idiot.

Second, it’s not that men are afraid of independent, strong females, we just can’t stand hearing them talk. Do you see…she will let you wear the pants. Then in the next breath – this battle ax (oh yeah, she’s a big-un) goes on to say that she wants someone to spend on HER for a change. She wants to be wined and dined for crying out loud. I thought you were a strong independent female?!? This screams of a nagging, whining, beyatch who is never satisfied. My dear, you don’t get treated like a queen unless you earn it.

Let’s not forget she is kool, with a “K” loving, smart, and loves to laugh and travel. Any broad who says that they love to travel, loves when you spend your money on her to travel. Do you honestly think that this beast has been anywhere besides her local pub? Traveling for her is a trip to the beach chair section of Walmart. A man does not say, “Oh wow, she loves to travel, Great!”. What he does say is, “Oh wow, she is a gourmet cook!”

She is turned off by an insecure man, but that’s all she is going to attract with this kind of ad. Any guy worth his balls is going to laugh at this and keep moving. If I’m secure, then why would I deal with this for one second . Why would I look at this ad twice, unless she was smoking hot!! Even then, why, when there are so many other women out there who are smart enough to conceal their intentions and not say, “I want to be treated like a queen”. WARNING: A beyatch who is not even afraid to conceal the fact that she is a beyatch is scary and dangerous.

She boasts how great a catch see is, if someone has what it takes to catch her. I could bait a hook with a Double Whopper with cheese and she would be all mine…..but then she would open that pie-hole and start yappin’, and I would have to throw her back!

If you have an ad you would like me to critique – please send it to: cptjack@gmail.com

This is your Captain Speaking.
An Ftb bloggers blog

The Power of the B.H.C. (Back Handed Compliment)

2010-06-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

STARVING HER SELF...AND GIVIN' IT UP!!!

Gentlemen, another all so powerful tactic to add to your arsenal is the Back Handed Compliment.

Hit them with this, when they are not looking, when they least suspect it and you will be thrilled with the results. When you give women a traditional compliment, that boosts their self-esteem and gets them feeling good about themselves. Normally that's a good thing. If it's your wife, or you daughter compliment away (Ok, not too much. We don't want the wife getting too frisky either).

But if you are dating, use the BHC. This keeps them guessing, keeps them on their toes. It keeps women wondering things like:

Does he find me attractive?
What did he mean by that comment?
Do other people feel that way?
Will he ask me out again?

Those are the thoughts you want running around in her head; this is the point where she will began to do whatever she needs to do in order to feel desireable. You have her right where you want her, working to gain your approval.

The key to the back-handed compliment is to deliver it in such a way that it is not obvious of your intentions.

Here are three good examples:

TRADITIONAL #1: Wow your hair looks wonderful

BHC: Wow, your hair....that's different

TRADITIONAL #2: You are an extremely cool chick

BHC: It's refreshing to hang out with someone with a great personaility for once. I'm tired of these young chicks who are all looks, with no substance

TRADITIONAL #3: You look really nice this evening.

BHC: That outfit really has a slimming effect. Nice.

Men you are now armed with a little more knowledge to help you help yourself.

Please comment with any more BHC's you know or use. The more the merrier.

It's a war out there and we need to Take Back Our Balls.

This is your captain speaking

-Captain Jack
An FTB Bloggers Blog

Are Women Really Dream Killers??

2010-05-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

Tom Lykis always said,

“Before you get married; make sure you have become all you can be. Women are dream killers!
When a women wants you to do something it's telling you that her dream comes first and that she doesn't care about your dream. They often secretly wish that you never reach your dreams so you can never trade up.”

I would have to agree with that, but….and an important but, they are only because we let them.
The woman’s angle is that, by keeping you at your status quo, she is the best you can get. There is no risk of you trading up, because she is as good as you can get. So the simple win-win scenario is keep the pressure on. Be all you can be – and force them to be all they can be….OR ELSE!!!

KIDS!!
One of the quickest ways to kill a man’s dreams is by getting pregnant. Watch this like a hawk. You have children when you are good and ready to have children and the only way to do that is by wearing a condom! Period. 100% of the Time!! “…but I want to feel you inside me Daddy”
Bull Crap!! Gentlemen, having a baby is like having an exotic car payment that fluctuates for 18 years. 216 monthly payments! Sit down and ask yourself, if I brought a Lamborghini right now and had to drive it for 18 years, could I still accomplish my dreams. And Trust me, that’s simplifying things. Changing oil’s got nothing on a dirty, sweet peas and carrots stanky diaper!!

SPEND MORE TIME & MONEY ON ME!
If you hear this because you are working towards your dreams and saving – forget it. If you satisfy this craving there will be something else. Trust me. Women are born to nag and men are born to give in. Just remember, when you are giving in, you are letting them kill your dreams.

If she wants to go on vacation, she will nag and nag until you are out of 5G’’s. Once this works the cycle will start again. Just like a crying baby; so don’t give in. Trust me, they will never be satisfied.

You’ve all heard the famous joke before:

A young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

WE ARE REALLY AT FAULT
We are the culprits, they are just our accomplices. If you are really focused about something, then you won’t let anything stop you. We might blame it on our girlfriends or wives but in reality, we were just looking for an excuse to give up and they were there to blame. Then 5 years later, we’re pissed off at them for ruining our dreams.

You have been warned – so let’s take responsibility, take some action and Take Our Ball Back!!!

This is your Captain Speaking
-Captain Jack
An FTB Bloggers blog

Man on Movies: Iron Man 2

2010-05-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

For the man’s man, there is no better example of someone living the dream other than Tony Stark – aka Iron Man. Here’s a guy who has got it all: money, power, fame, women, and enough tech toys that would make James Bond jealous. Oh, yeah - and he can fly.

Although fictional, Tony Stark is the man men strive to be. Although being born into a family of privilege, he wasn’t satisfied just living a prosperous life. He leveraged all that he was given and built an empire. And as we all witnessed in the first Iron Man that was released in 2008, when he was faced with impossible circumstances, he didn't give up, he invented a new power source to keep him alive, invented the iron man suit, killed all the terrorists, and then he rested.

In the world of superheroes, Iron Man is in a league of his own. For example, look at Spiderman and Superman. Peter Parker was an insecure little boy with no ambition, and by freak accident was bitten by a spider that gave him his spider-abilities. Superman didn’t have to work hard to become super, he was just born that way. In fact, he spends most of his life trying to suppress the super man that he knows himself to be in order to be the boring Clark Kent. Tony Stark didn’t stumble into greatness like Peter Parker. He wasn’t born a super man. He made himself great. He made himself powerful. To top it off, he didn’t care if everybody knew it! He realized his own greatness, and he was going to be damned if anybody tried to take it from him. In a scene from Iron Man 2, Tony Stark is sitting in front of Congress when he makes the bold statement: “I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one.” I want to be Tony Stark, and every man reading this blog should want to be as well.

Iron Man 2 is a solid sequel, which starts up immediately where the first movie ends and makes a logical and satisfying progression through the storyline. We see Tony Stark’s fame, and classic narcissism, rocket to meteoric heights. He gets grilled by Congress. He kicks some bad guy ass. The action sequences are so realistic, it makes Transformers seem like Toy Story. There’s not much more to ask for in a superhero movie.

Tony Stark will be Robert Downey Jr's most popular role in his career. But like any other great movie, Downey is joined on screen with some top talent as well. Don Cheadle, Mickey Rourke, and Samuel L. Jackson all make solid performances. And I would be remiss to not mention the ever lovely Gwyneth Paltrow, reprising her role as Pepper Pots, and the luscious Scarlett Johansson. Mmmmm…Scarlett Johansson.
It may be difficult for people to truly identify with the Tony Stark character, because he does not exhibit the same insecurities that a lot of people experience in life. But that is because Tony Stark is not your everyman.

He is the man. He is Iron Man.

by Guest Reviewer J.Bleez

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THE CAPTAIN'S REVIEW LOG: The KFC Double Down

2010-05-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

THE TASK

So after weeks of hearing all the backlash and negative press I couldn’t take it anymore, for the good of mankind, I had to take the plunge and try this new KFC Double Down.

I'm a fan of YUM YUM (the company who owns KFC) and have actually owned their stock 3 times over the past years, so there is little doubt that they had done their research with the release of this sandwich. I'm not a frequent eater at any fast food chain, a matter of fact, over the last 10 years I have actually had KFC more times in China then in the US but I figured I owed it to my readers to find out the real deal on this value meal!!

There is no doubt that the press surrounding this sandwich is the result of some feminist's rant; as if the introduction of another sandwich is the reason why she and all of her overweight friends are fat. Woman already blame much of their unhappiness on men, so this just gives them another reason to push the responsibility of their misery onto us. So, for that reason, I had to venture off and try eating one of these for myself.

COMPARISON
Now this is a man’s sandwich! I mean what is there not to love? Before we review the actual taste...here are some stats:

2 Original Recipe Filets
2 Pieces of Bacon

2 melted slices of Monterey Jack & Pepper Jack Cheese

....and some Colonel's Sauce

The double down comes in two versions Original Recipe and (Grilled).

Calories: 540 (460) Fat: 32 (23) Sodium: 1380 (1430)

These stats are taken right from KFC themselves. What people aren't talking about is the low carbs, which KFC never mentions. They are hoping that all of the Atkins freaks began salivating over this and I think they should be. As a fellow low-carb high protein dieter, this is a pretty good way to cheat! How many carbs you ask? 11 (3) I find that hard to believe but it's taken from the KFC Nutrition Guide....so by golly it's Atkins approved!!

The next thing I would like to mention to all of you fat, stretch pant wearing housewives who think this is the worst thing since Hooters, while you've been eating your pretentious salads and condemning those around you for eating their fries you have been eating just as bad. Just becaue you stuff your pie hole with lettuce and vegetables doesn't mean it's healthy in fact you are filling yourself with the false security that you are dieting. Well think again, Fatty Mcbutter pants!

Wendy's BLT Chicken Salad (Pictured):
Calories: 470 Fat: 27 Carbs: 23

Burger King's Tender Crisp Salad

Calories: 410 Fat:21 Sodiom: 1250 MG Carbs: 34

Taco Bell chicken Ranch Taco Salad Calories: 910 Fat:54 Sodium: 1660 Carbs: 71

Now those are just the salads so imagine if we started on the burgers....that all have buns!! This list can go on and on. The worse part about these high fat, high carb salads - is that mentally you just had a salad, so you will naturally think, “ A little desert won't hurt”!!! So with all of the hoopla, how the hell does the Sandwich taste?

THE TASTE

Well since I was going to eat bad, I figured I needed this thing fresh and hot. I went to the most upscale neighborhood Greenwich, CT (actually Port Chester) and walked into KFC and flashed my pearly whites. I told Pimples at the counter that I owned a media company and that I was doing a story on the Double Down and needed the best Double Down that money could buy. I then slid him a $10 bill for himself and paid for the sandwich. When I received this thing, it was hot, fresh and there was a trifecta of glorious scents - Chicken, Bacon and Cheese. At that moment, I knew this was going to be good. I actually begin to perspire. I gently wiped my forehead with my KFC recycled napkin, and picked this glorious piece of manwhich up and slowly brought it to my lips...and....and I put it back on the tray. I needed to have some back up condiments and a tasty beverage. If you are going to do this, you need to do it right! I asked Pimples Mcgee for some bar-b-cue sauce and a diet coke. I rushed back to my hard plastic seat to find my beautiful, bacon covered Double Down, which I had affectionately renamed "DD" and this time I released her tender fillets of their paper clothing and gripped those bare, tender breast (fillets) and took a man-sized bite. I closed my eyes and pounded the table, it was so good. In preparation for my next bite, I turned DD sideways so I can get another full bite of everything. A mouthful of bacon, cheese, chicken and sauce explosions. Perfection! I didn't want this to end but it did, and all too quick. But like any good meal it left me wanting more which is a good thing. (Ladies...take note...leaving the table not completely stuffed is a good thing!) Warning...you won't always have Pimple-Mcgee behind the register making sure thta you have the hottest and freshest. I can see this thing going the wrong way at the wrong KFC. If Bobby “I’m 22 and knocked up my girlfriend” Jones is making your sandwhich it might not be as good…..but even ½ as good would still be great!

This is your captain Speaking
-Captain Jack
Let's Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)
An FTB Blog

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Another Tiger (Woods) Tale!

2010-04-24T10:17:00.001-07:00

We run a “man’s man” blog here, therefore we will never stop supporting an Athlete because of his marital infidelities. We will stop supporting them for poor play, bad stats, cheating (at their profession) and all other sport related indiscretions. Therefore we are still on Team Tiger.

After Tiger’s 1st weekend back at the Master’s we were thrilled with his improved (although not perfect) on course attitude and fantastic play. We thought the Tiger bashing would be over. He’s smart enough to lay low with the ladies for awhile, and I’m sure his golf play, although enough to put the red shirt in contention on Sunday at a major, was well below his expectations and he would be busy working off the rust. The problem is that all sport related, MAN things usually get covered in ESPN, Yahoo Sport, Sporting News etc, but the Tiger scandal has reached the pu$$y world of tabloid magazines. These magazines make money from gossip, and then gossip about gossip, and pictures about gossip. If you think I’m being to harsh, visit Perez Hilton.com. He makes over $100K from this blog. There is nothing wrong with this, hell we run blogs and that’s what we are all about, but when we gossip, it at least has merit!

As soon as the Icy Volcano Elin and the Iceland Volcano Eyjafjallajokull both stopped erupting, Elin hops aboard a private jet (that I’m sure Tiger is getting a bill for) and takes the kids to Sweeden. What is a Tiger to do?

I know, how about living the life of someone who has made a few bucks. He jumps back on line and to the joy of all his true fans, updates his blog (click here for the entry). He hooks up with MJ for a round of golf, and goes to a Nickel back concert.

I quote from limelife.com

A source has told our pals at Radar the following about how Tiger's carrying on in Elin's absence: "Tiger is getting on with his life without Elin ... This is not a man sitting around depressed about his marriage." The source added, "Tiger isn't torn up about it. In fact, he seems as happy as ever."

Now his handlers and publicity people are mad as hell because this is bad for his image! For once I agree with his handlers. It is bad for his image. You know why? Because you people, his so called handlers, have screwed up so bad in the last 6 months that now US Weekly, OK Magazine and dozen of other tabloids have made a career out of this story. This is the image that he is making look bad. Who Cares!!!

Your first mistake was trying to coax him into staying married. When this thing first unraveled, he should have cut Elin faster then the Cowboys cut TO, and sent her a check for the original Pre-nup amount of 7 million, made a quick statement and as Jay-Z says, “On to the Next”. Now his handlers have put him through months of humbling embarrassment, some sex rehab bullcrap, and cost him millions in endorsements and Ellin will probably still divorce him take the kids and take more then the original pre-nup amount.

Good Job guys. Here’s some advice, let the man have fun, let him play golf and everything else will take care of itself. That story sells sports magazines. Those are the stories that we like to read about. But to sell US Weekly, bringing a legend to his knees with his tail between his legs, begging his wife to take him back, that’s makes a great article, or a great 25 articles. That’s what my girlfriend is going to buy at the checkout counter.

Let the man do what he does best. You win a few tournaments, and just like R. Kelly, Kobe Bryant, and Michael Vick (although Vick not so much, messin’ with dogs apparently has nothing on peeing on a 16year old) but he will be back on top. He will be an American Hero again.

I mean really, who wants to be like Mike anymore when you can be like Tiger. Get paid millions, bang chicks around the country, play golf with Michael Jordan, and most importantly, consistently go out on the weekends an shoot a decent round of golf. We’ll see Woods at Quail Hallow on April 29th!!

This is your Captain Speaking!
Let’s Take our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)
-Captain Jack

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Sometimes a Man Just Needs a laugh!

2010-04-09T09:53:00.001-07:00

Thanks for sending this Edward!

What women can learn from Tiger and Jesse!

2010-03-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

JESSE JAMES..JESSE JAMES!
First of all, I love the fact that Jesse is out there bangin other chicks. Why? Simply because we are starting to see that Tiger is not such a monster. He’s human and he’s hard wired like a guy. Period. …And any guy who says they can’t understand what both of those guys have done or are doing, needs to hand their balls in and not read any further. Not saying that you would do it, or think it’s right, or morally correct, but you can understand.

This is a free lesson for all Women. Please take away 3 important things from Sandra Bullock’s and Elin Nordegren’s experience.

1. A CHEATING MAN CAN STILL LOVE HIS WIFE

Staying faithful is a conscience decision that a man has to make often. It’s not attached to his heart, his feelings or his loyalty to his wife and children. The more money your man makes, the older and better in shape he is, the more often he has to make that decision to stay faithful. (That’s right, even young chicks love an older guy in great shape). It’s life.
For example: If he’s a beer belly janitor, then the decision not to cheat needs to be made
maybe once or twice a year, if he is 40, making six figures and has a 34 inch waist, he is probably making that decision twice per month. If he is a superstar athlete, he is making it 100 times per day!! It is your job, as wives, to make that decision not to cheat an easy one…and not because your husband will lose half of everything he has, but because he will lose you!! Because you are the woman that he wants to be with.

2. NO SUCH THING AS BAD PIZZA
For guys, sex is different, it’s not all physical but mostly, and it’s a freakin’ mental vacation. When a guy cheats, he’s not ready to leave, he still loves his wife and family; he just needs a break. It’s a vacation from expectations. With his “side girl” he’s not expected to bring home a check, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, figure out how to put on a new roof or fund his kids college education. No expectation means no disappointments, for a guy, that's instant wood.
The secret here is that disappointment ties directly with a mans ego and a man is 90% ego. A guy never wants to disappoint, and for most women, they are disappointed regularly and don’t have any problem expressing their disappointment. If you express this disappointment enough times, in enough ways, then the guy will just totally stop trying NOT to be a disappointment. You’ve showed him that no matter how hard he tries, you will never be happy so Why Try?

The flip side of that; when you are cheating and you show up late, it’s not a disappointment; it’s a treat that you showed up at all. Your “side girl” is just happy you made it. You don’t have to spend holidays with them because you have a solid excuse, “Your Family”. If you say, “I’ll try to make it” that’s good enough. The side girl is getting seconds so it’s hard to disappoint her. Do you have any idea how attractive that is for a man? No matter what I do, it will make this girl satisfied and happy. How physically attractive your wife is, or how unattractive your side girl is, doesn’t play any part of the equation. She is your side girl, who cares if she’s a but-her-face. For guys, there’s no bad pizza! Even Halle and Beyonce can be cheated on.

3. VERY LITTLE A WOMAN CAN DO, BUT THAT LITTLE NEEDS TO BE DONE.A man needs to feel like a man and not a child. He needs to feel like he is getting the job done. That’s really it. But that “it” is crucial. If you can’t take care of this part of your man, then there are a few results.

A. He will bang other chicks if he can get other chicks,

B. He will be unhappy and miserable and fall into a pot-belly version of Al Bundy-ville, or

C. If he makes enough, he will have a pre-nup and drop your as$$ and get a trophy wife.

The better your man is, the easier you can be replaced. Period. This is a man’s world and he can always get younger hotter. He can get a good cook, he can get a nurturing mother type, and the closer the women are to their expiration dates, the more THEY are willing to settle. …and for those women out of shape; you tend to be the unhappiest because your unhappiness with yourself is often blamed on your significant other and emitted into the relationship as disappointment. If you are not satisfied with your man, you can leave, or encourage him, not get pissed off and throw tantrums.

So, Tiger is not such and animal (no pun intended), he just has more ego and monetary means then the rest of us. To be a hero to millions of people and come home and disappoint your wife has to be the most frustrating thing ever. Imagine you are on the verge of being the greatest golfer that ever lived, voted athlete of the decade, brought home over a billion dollars, and your wife is disappointed that you aren’t showing her enough attention, or disappointed because you have to practice this weekend or some other crap excuse she uses to pout and get attention. Every time you turn around Elin is pissed off about something. Publicly you are a national hero, but privately you are a zero; you can’t keep your spoiled wife happy for longer then an hour. This sucks because you love her and want nothing else but for her to be happy and no matter what you do she can’t be and refuses to be happy. So in order to get that personal happiness, you bang other chicks. And to keep that high, you bang chicks everywhere. If you had only one chick, then she would get spoiled and start playing the disappointed game so you make them all second class by having one in every area you frequent. That’s how we get our beloved Tiger Woods.

Not an animal, not a vindictive cheating scumbag, just a regular guy with an immense amount of self pressure looking to get a vacation from expectations.

Now he’s back and the only thing I’m expecting from him, is to win a couple of majors. That’s it, nothing too big.

This is your Captain Speaking and we still love Tiger.
Let’s Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B)
-An FTB Blogger Company Blog!

WHAT YOU TALKIN' BOUT WILLIS?

2010-03-21T12:29:00.001-07:00

As your Captain, it's my responsibility to keep up and report out any and all things that will benefit my fellow man. Well as aI sift through my monthly collection of men's things, I often run into some things that I must share.

Here is a quote from Bruce Willis in March's Isssue of Men's Journal. It's insightful, inspirational and thoughtful, all at the same time. I wouldn't be your Captain if I didn't pass it on. Click the picure of Bruce, to go to the Men's Journal website, and click HERE to go to the online version of the article. I'm not sure if it's legal to post a portion without their permission but I ask for forgiveness as I have a duty to my readers.

Here is Bruce's last two responses from the full article that can be found HERE.

(P.S. I have provided 3 Four Links to the article source in the posting!)

How should a man’s mortality figure in to his everyday
life?
There is nothing to say about our own mortality except that you can
hurry it along a little bit. You have that option. You can drink every day of
your life. And take drugs every day of your life. I’d rather smell somebody else
smoking weed on the street than smoke weed myself anymore. Whenever I’m in the
company of someone who used to do this drug that makes you run off to the
bathroom to do it, I’m reminded of how often I get up to pee now. And I go, “Oh,
my God, I wonder if somebody thinks I’m doing blow in there.” Until you have
kids, you are not aware of your own mortality. They are little living calendars,
and you know that while time is passing for them, it’s passing for you. I wonder
whether science or medicine can get us to 100 in this lifetime. Because if I can
feel good at 100 as I feel now and still run, still work out, still eat, drink,
fuck — all the things that I am still capable of doing really well and enjoying
— then all bets are off. So just wash your hands three or four times a day, and
cough into the crook of your elbow instead of into your hands. Extending that
life span has to start somewhere. Also, I will do everything in my power to not
go under the knife. That way lies the acceleration of your death.

How does a man remind himself to live in the moment?
I’m glad we’re talkin’ about this. Embrace your death. Make friends with it. Know it’s out there. Tickle it under the chin, and just know that it’s coming. And not in a bad or morbid way — or an “Oh, God, I’m going to die someday” way — but use it as motivation. Use it as an impetus to get everything you want to do in this lifetime done before you die. I was raised in a generation that was saving money for a rainy day: “Don’t do anything too rash while you’re young; save it all for when you’re older.” Well, I think it’s rainin’ right now. I think live it up.

Now those are words to live by!

This is your Captain speaking. (Take Our Ball Back -
T.O.B.B.)

The Captain Takes on Dear Abby!

2010-03-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

Many times a reader will see a letter from "Dear Abby" and want to hear my take on the situation. Well I was emailed a link to this letter from one of our loyal female fans:

Dear Abby:
I’m 27 and in a three-year-long relationship that has been slowly falling apart. A year before it began, I ended a two-year union with another guy. While the two men are completely different, both relationships ended for similar reasons.I am a successful, independent woman. Apparently, this made each one feel like less of a man. While I’m told my qualities are part of the reason I’m attractive, men want to “prove themselves” before they commit to marriage. Things usually fall apart when their career plans shift and they feel like they’re starting over. I try to be supportive, but nothing works. They begin resenting me for everything I have accomplished.I am on a path to achieve everything I can before I scale back to have children and put my family first. I have two master’s degrees. I’m working on my license in a traditionally male profession. I’m on the board of directors of several nonprofits. I own my own home. But I’m beginning to be afraid I’ll never have the family life I have always wanted. Should I resign myself to the fact that I can’t have it all? — Successful ... On Paper, Charlotte, N.c.

I will post the link to Abby's answer but let the Captain speak the truth:

Dear Successful...On Paper, This is your Captain Speaking,
There are a few reasons that you are single.
With anything that is stated on this site I will generalize my answer. Typically very successful women are not your 8's, 9's, and 10's. What you see on TV shows displaying super hot successful women is not what you get in real life. Need proof. Look at your top ten most successful women in industry. There is barely an 8 on that list.

1. Indra Nooyi
2. Irene Rosenfeld
3. Pat Woertz
4. Angela Braly
5. Andrea Jung
6. Oprah Winfrey
7. Ellen Kullman
8. Carol Bartz
9. Ursula Burns
10. Brenda Barnes

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

My point is, that when you are a 5, 6 or 7 you have to work harder to keep your man. Men typically don't care how smart a woman is, or how much a woman makes. The problem becomes the woman herself. The successful woman has typically become so, by being smarter, working harder and proving herself to be better then men. Day in and day out, this woman has to be earlier, be smarter, defend herself against sabotage and jealousy, all in efforts to get to the top of the corporate food chain.

Therein lies the problem. She doesn't know how to turn it off. There is no top of the food chain at home. There is no boardroom, so that behavior just turns a man off. A guy doesn't want to come home and compete! A successful woman, can not shut-up about how successful she is. I mean, look at the letter; instead of simply saying she's successful she goes into "chest beating" detail at nauseam about her successes. Big Whoop!

Another thing to keep in my, the last thing a man wants is your advice on his career. Trust me. So if you think you are being "supportive" by giving him suggestions, or bringing home brochures of classes or certifications he can get, your not helping, you are throwing your success and his inability to succeed in his face. Fall back and let the man be the man.

When you find the next guy that is willing to date you; accept him for what he makes at the time you meet him. Don't put any expectations on his career, and don't shove your success in his face. Be supportive, if he is trying something new, has a new job, or a new idea. Help out traditionally by making his favorite dinner when he comes home or packing a nice lunch. You make more money so how about surprising him with tickets to his favorite teams, or a certificate to Golfland. This will go a lot further then any advice or help you can provide. Nothing emasculates a man more then a woman trying to solve his problems.

"The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is" - ~Robert Brault,

This is your Captain Speaking
Men - Let's Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)
-Captain Jack

See Dear Abby's response here

Man's Video of the Week: Tiger Tales

2010-02-27T18:40:00.000-08:00

For Man's video this week we are posting two! One is a 2005 video of Tiger's amazing shot on the 16th at the 2005 Masters. This is why we love Tiger, not because he's a good husband but because he is the best Golfer in the world.

When I tune in on a Saturday to watch him be a husband for 4 hours, then he can apologize to me. Besides his wife and business associates, the only other person he owes an apology to is his caddy Steve. Who makes about 10% of Tiger's winnings! If Tiger ain't playing then Steve ain't getting a pay check!!

Enjoy both videos. The one from Chris Rock on Tiger Woods is old but still funny!!

MAN'S REVIEW: Men of a Certain Age

2010-02-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

Now this is a TV show that I can sink my teeth into. Ray Romano hits this one out of the park. This show is just what TV really needs. It takes a deep dive into the lives of 3 middle aged men. They’ve known each other since college so their bonds run deeper then any relationship you can have from just meeting someone at the office. You will never have friends like the ones you met at college.

Initially you think the characters are staged, like a cheap soon to be defunct network comedy with flimsy characters each representing a particular lifestyle with the token black guy thrown in there for good measure. What becomes immediately apparent is that... it doesn't feel like a network comedy or drama. It feels like a mini movie ala The Sopranos, or The Wire. The acting, story lines and the development of the characters begin to draw you in immediately.

As the characters themselves go: One’s divorced, one’s a family man, and one is a swinging bachelor. Rather then portray all the women as hot, and the men as dopes, the wives and ex-wives are played by cute girl next door types. Everyone is very believable in their roles.

That is the charm of the show - it's very believable, so much so that every guy can relate. (There's even a touch of profanity - Thanks God for cable TV).

The character of Owen played by actor Andre Braugher (famous for his role as Det. Pembleton in Homicide) works for his over achieving father, he battles his weight, and he’s trying to raise two young boys and maintain a what appears to be a "happy marriage".

Joe played by Ray Romano, is a dollar store/party store owner, divorced, with a daughter of dating age (one episode he finds out her boyfriend calls her a slut), and he’s starting to date again as well. He just missed being on the Pro-golf tour and is thinking about going on the senior tour. He has a gambling habit, a bookie and a father in a nursing home. As men we either are this guy, or know this guy.

Then there’s the irresponsible bachelor Terry played by Scott Bakula (from the old school show "Quantum Leap"); he's not sure about his career, not sure about his life. He’s dating a 25 year old. He’s a not so pretty, pretty boy. He gets the girls more with self confidence then looks. As the season progress you see Terry's confidence fade as you learn the real person behind the hyped up out of work actor his character becomes.

This show is appealing because of its grit and realness. They use profanity, because that’s how we talk in real life. None of the leading men have Hollywood good looks and everything doesn’t always work out in the end.

All in all very well done with just a touch of style and CRASS! Grab a glass of wine, light that cigar and enjoy a mans show!

Click Photo for a Preview!
This is your captain speaking!!

Let’s Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)

-Captain Jack

The Pussification of Man

2010-01-31T10:55:00.000-08:00

Men, it's bad enough TV and media does all they can, to "Pussify" us, but we don't have to take it lightly. This is a call to real men, LET'S START BEING MEN.

If you don’t' think the media Pussify's us, look at TV. There is a plethora of shows that feature hot girls with lovable, silly, dopey husbands. This stark contrast is used to empower woman, sublimely showing them that we are dopes and they are beautiful & strong woman, doing us a favor by being with us.

Examples? Sure.
1. King Of Queens
2. Everyone Love Raymond
3. George Lopez
4. The Honeymooners

In real life these guys can marry hot women but that's because George Lopez, Kevin James, Jackie Gleason, & Ray Ramano are filthy rich, not to mention hilarious. They are not bus drivers, and UPS guys, they are powerful multimillionaires.

...with that, men, we need to step up! Lately I.... have been seeing men turn into the dopey losers that we are portrayed as.

Household chores:
Take the damn garbage out. Why? because it's heavy and it stinks! If your girl hurts her back lugging garbage then she's no good for the real heavy lifting. You want her to put her back into it later that night, not lugging out the garbage.

Pump Gas
How many times do I see not only the woman driving, which I’ve come to terms with, but pumping their gas in the freezing cold, while the pussified man sits in the passenger seat like a cold little girl. Man Up!!
I’m not saying pay for the gas, but at least you can pump it!

Get a damn job
Not so you can spend money on a women, but so you can just be a man. Men work! They work and earn money. Sitting in the house playing Madden 2010 and posting trash on facebook is not manly. Madden and trash talk is manly when it accompanies a pay check. The bigger the check the more manly. Period!

Skinny Jeans
If you own a pair of these then you should take your testicles, put them in an envelope and mail them back to God. You have no use for them, not to mention they can't fit in those tight ass pants anyway.
I’m no fashionista but skinny jeans scream, “I HAVE A SMALL PENIS, AND AN EVEN SMALLER WALLET”.

Men lets stop assisting women in the pussifIcation process by stepping up to be real men. Real men have the right to demand a hot meal, a sewn button on their shirt, a clean house and being pleasured after a hard day. When we start being real men, then we have the right to demand real women.

T.O.B.B (Take our Balls Back)

This is your Captain Speaking!!

Mans Video of the Week

2010-01-24T17:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks Nick from Colorado!! We were hoping to have something football related in honor of the playoffs but....this is some good stuff! Jackie Chan, look out!

Ask the Captain. Is she right for me?

2010-01-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

Josh from Palmdale, CA asks:
Dear Captain,
I feel like I’ve met the woman of my dreams, we’ve been together for 6 months and I feel like this is the one. How do I really know?

How do you know if you are with the right person? The answer is a lot simpler then you think. Simply ask yourself, "If you hit the Mega million jackpot tomorrow would you leave your significant other"? Now, the key to this evaluation is to be truly honest with yourself. Don’t just sputter off in your head, what you think sounds nice. Take a second and truly thing this through. Remember, you are now a multi-millionaire. You are worth 165 million dollars. That is KMA (Kiss My A$$) money. You can literally walk around all day and just tell people to kiss your ass. You can hire 10 people, pay them $100,000 per year for 10 years just to kiss your ass, full time, and you would have only spent $10 of your $165 million.

How does this apply to your relationship? Well now that you are a multi-millionaire, you can live out all your dreams. You are now trim and buff because you are working out everyday. You are no longer sitting in a cube everyday typing, instead you are getting out, eating well, and living life. You are feeling super self confident because nothing gets your swag back like m-o-n-e-y. You are driving every car you could possibly imagine. You are traveling to exotic places. No more Lemon tree hair cuts, you go to a real salon and have them hook you up. You go often because now $20 is literally like $.02.

Before the money you were sort of charming, kind of funny but not feeling so self confident. Now that you are $165 million richer & CEO of your own KMA Company, you are ten times more attractive.

Now that your visualization is complete, continue to imagine it’s early Sunday morning and you just had another wild rich-guy Saturday night. You wake up & you see woman’s clothes on the floor and you hear someone in your 200 sq ft. bathroom. The toilet flushes, you hear the sink run and the door opens up. WHO WALKS OUT?

If it’s the girl that you are currently with – then you are not settling and she is the one. But you have to ask yourself this question over and over. 1 month, 3 months, 12 months into the relationship. Then you are solid.

Only about 1% of the population could honestly answer yes. The next question is, " How much are you settling". $165 million is a lot of coin.
We all know that a man dates only as hot as he can afford, and a woman dates only as rich as she can attract. Water finds it’s own level, therefore we use the settling scale to determine the % of marital success. Depending on what level you are in your life assuming that you are at your peak here is the scale levels 1-7. (if you are not at your peak, then don’t bother getting married – peaking after marriage = cheating)
1. Mulitmillionaire – 99.8%
2. Millionaire – 88%
3. Debt Free – 85%
4. Mid to High Six figure salary $500K and above – 75%
5. Six Figure Salary – 70%
6. Doing well $60 – $100K– 65%
7. Living the daily struggle – 55%

You don’t actually have to earn the salaries in the scale but just imagine if you did. Would you stay? If you were debt free, no bills, got to keep and spend your entire pay check, would you stay? If you answer yes, then you have an 85% chance of marital happiness. Now this does not reflect 'chance of divorce', this just reflects if you are settling or not. You can have all the money in the world (‘ahem..Tiger Woods) and still have a screwed up marriage, but there is a 99.8% chance that you will not regret marrying her because of her looks or compatibility at the time of engagement. You will never hear Tiger complain about Elin being hot enough or not being super cool during the time they were dating. Unfortunately I don’t have a chart that reflects ANYTHING once you put a ring on that finger. If I did I would have even more millions then I already do.

-The Captain
Gentlemen - Let's Take Our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)

Facebook reveals another reason to put off getting Married

2010-01-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

Facebook more then any other social networking site, shows you the benefits of waiting a little longer until you get married. When I log in and look at all of the so-called hot chicks from high school, I am in amazement how hideous they turned out. It's unbelievable how life has hit them...right in the ass, hips and face. When you are in High School you have visions of grandeur; every hot chick is going to stay hot, wear clothes from the latest fashion designers and age like the Sex and the City girls. Then real life hits. They end up marrying some "Two Pump Chump" who brings home about $40,000.00 a year. Because these girls were so hot, they never took their education seriously and now they have a degree in liberal arts or no degree at all. They live in small town America, eat awful and look even worse. They don't work out because nobody cares. They are fat, their neighbors are fat and everyone just feels like an episode of Roseanne. In high school and college you think Desperate Housewives Hot, but you get Roseanne "Not".

Those men who have the luxury of waiting can use the benifits of age and wisdom to better select a chick who will remain somewhat hot. He will have worked harder and longer concentrating on his career because there will be no woman killing his dreams. The more money you have, the hotter you can afford. Now when you are age 36 and marry the hot 26 year old, everyone can kiss your ass. Post those pics on face book, sip your wine, and smoke your fat cigar because you can afford to do all of that. The nanny has just put the kids to bed, and your hot wife (if you choose to have one) is getting ready to do whatever you want her to.

Cheers to the good life.
-Captain Jack

How much do I spend on a first Date?

2010-01-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

Tom Leykis used to put this amount at $40.00. I used to disagree with this rule, but now that we are admidst a recession, I think $40.00 is more then enough.

Women want to be around money and power, that doesn't mean you have to spend money "on them". If you act

powerful and important they will be attracted to you. Period.

SAME PRICE FOR ALL WOMEN

On a hotness scale from 1-10; if you are dating a 3 or 4 and take her to Applebees she's happy; if you are dating a 10 and take her to Applebees she begans to feel insecure. She will began to wonder why you are at Applebees or Chile's instead of Andiamo's or some other super fancy restaurant. She's thinking, "Obviously he's used to the finer things, am I not hot enough for Andiamo's? Does he not want to show me off?". This will make her work harder and want you more. Remember the hotter the chick the more insecure she is.

SETTING THE BAR

A more important reason to keep it cheap is to level set the long term expectations. If you start at Andiamo's there is no where to go but down. That's setting the bar way too high!!

I think the "Applebees - Chile's" bar is just right. Then when you really want to get fancy you hit PF Chang's.

Now that we are in a recession you can lower the bar further; maybe hit a few diners during your first few dates and make Applebee's your special occasion. Now we're talking.

We are men in the US. Women fall for us because we are funny, powerful, and in control. Where else can James Gandolphini be considered sexy? Any "two pump chump" can

buy an expensive dinner but only a real man can charm the panies off a girl for $40 or less.

What do you think?

Let's T.O.B.B.

(Take our balls back)

-CJ

Dating
Men
Applebees
PF Chang
Power

Real Men...kill bugs!

2009-05-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Another video from Chi City 3!
WARNING: CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE BUT THE LAUGHS ARE WORTH IT.

Real Men....

2009-05-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

Real Men.......get it done in boxers and flip flops!

-Submitted by The Captian himslef.

Email your Real Men quotes to: jack.the.cpt@gmail.com

Zachary Boyd, 19 Getting it done with the appropriate I love NY boxers on.

Don't forget - this kid is only 19.

The Catptains Response: How Much salary should a Mom Earn?

2009-05-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

This article was emailed to me last week, but out of respect for my MOM, I let a week go by before ranting and raving about this topic.

Salary.com – one of my favorite websites, had the audacity to say that a Stay At Home Mom’s salary should be $123,000.00 per year, and a working mom’s salary should be $76,185.

Are you kidding me??? For what. Is she creating a cure for cancer in the bathroom? Is that why it takes her so freakin’ long to get ready.

I couldn’t find the author of the article, but if it’s a guy:
ASK YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE, IF YOU CAN LOOK IN HER POCKET BOOK. OPEN IT SLOWLY, AS TO NOT DISTURB THE CONTENTS. DO YOU SEE THOSE ROUND THINGS SITTING IN THERE?

THOSE ARE YOUR BALLS

TAKE THEM BACK!!!!

There are some major issues with this article. First of all, most men or women for that matter do not make $123,000 per year. Those that do fall into the following categories:

Physicians - $128, 689
Medical and Science Teachers $121,230
Judges – $118,134
Optometrists – $116,403
Lawyers – $105,716

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume the average guy isn’t married to a Physician. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but we are going to generalize here. When you look at your girlfriend, do you see the “book smarts” of a power attorney or judge or do you see a bank teller, a barrister, a hair dresser?

For us men, as long as you don’t see something fat and fuglee that’s all we care about!

My 2nd point is the fact that they break down the Mom’s jobs into the following categories:

Laundry Machine Operator
Janitor
Van Driver
Housekeeper
Computer Operator
Cook
Day Care Center Teacher
Psychologist
Facilities manager
CEO

That list is bogus! The only company that I want the women that I date to be CEO of, is the company of “Getting me a Tuna Sandwich” Incorporated. …..and 9 out of 10 will mess that up…..NO CRUST ON MY TUNA…GEEESH!

The other tasks are just things that people have to do to live. Everyone has to do laundry, clean a dish or two, drive themselves to work and make meals. This is called being an adult. It’s called reality. It’s called having children. That doesn’t come with a price tag.

If Men got paid for being Psychologist, we would all be billionaires because when that little alarm went off signifying the end of their session, the women would not be able to stop talking.

This is your captain speaking..
Let’s take our Balls Back (T.O.B.B.)
-Captain Jack

Real Men #4

2009-05-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

Real Men.......can make dinner out of anything as I dine on Tostitos, left over fried rice, and Captn Crunch.

-Submitted by Dee Jay

Email your Real Men quotes to: jack.the.cpt@gmail.com

MEN & ANGRY WOMEN...COMMENTS SECTION IS NOW WORKING

2009-05-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

Recently on 3 occasions I have been accused of disabling the comment section. It was not working, but everything is fixed.
You got a comment, let's here it.

WHAT DOES THE TITLE OF THE BLOG MEAN?

2009-05-11T14:18:00.001-07:00

What is the title all about?
The fatter the knuckle the smaller the diamond is a phrase I heard three years ago from the great Tom Leykis. The comment was in reference to wealthy powerful men attracting a higher grade of woman.
After a few emails to the Captain, I have to address the title once again in detail.

THE FATTER THE KNUCKLE THE SMALLER THE DIAMOND....
It's almost self explanatory; it describes a man’s ability to be with a hot woman.

A man will marry the best looking girl he can afford. Period. As we mature a man is rated by women on how much he earns, how much power he has or acts like he has (his swagger) and how famous he is. Looks play a part but for the man, a relatively small part. That is how a man like SEAL can marry a woman like Heidi Klum.

That's why High School quarter backs bang the hot chicks. They have all the power and fame in high school. As we get older and these “jocks” become “janitors” their ability to bang hot chicks begins to deteriorate quickly.

Unless you end up knocking up a 9 or 10 in high school or college then you are with the best looking girl that your pockets can afford. If you are a wealthy man in your 30's when you decide to get married, you will no doubt have a hot bride. The term "Hot" typically refers to women who have beautiful faces and attractive figures. They are the ones that get the big diamonds. I understand that the term attractive figure is relative, so let’s clarify. Here on this blog we use the H-B Scale, otherwise referred to as the Halle-Beyonce meter. You can only qualify as a 9 or a 10 if your body is somewhere between Halle and Beyonce -and yes proportion counts.

Men, this should be an incentive for you to work harder, or lie about your incomes better. If you are stuck working at the Taco Bell register then you will be marrying a 4 or a 5....and they only get worse with age (with a few exceptions). Now things are clear....Taco Bell worker gets a 4 or 5. She's chunky and not as cute. Mr. Six Figgas gets the 9 or 10. Taco Bell worker gets a small diamond, Mr. Six Figgas gets a 3 month income sized rock for his bride to be.
Hence...the fatter the knuckle the smaller the diamond.
I didn't make the rules, I just play by them.

This is your captain speaking
-CJ
Men...let's take our balls back! (T.O.B.B.)

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ON-LINE DATING: THE MAN’S VIEW

2009-05-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

NOT JUST FOR THE FAT AND FUGLEES
Maybe 10 years ago, I would have dismissed on-line dating for the fat and fuglees who can’t meet people through traditional means. Now I see it as an easy way to get laid for less. With a lot of people traveling and relocating out of state, their circles of friends don’t extend much past their work acquaintances. So if they want to have casual sex without repercussions or if they want to have a long term relationship without the fear of a work place romance then online dating is the way to roll.

HITTING IT ON THE FIRST DATE
Ladies need to understand one thing about men, especially about single men:
There is no bad pizza. .. even when it's bad, it's still pizza. If you give it up, men will take it.

There are a few statistics out there that I just love:
Survey Reveals a Staggering 60% Chance of Sex on a First Date
First Dates - 30% Have Sex on the First Date

Two different surveys but either result is good for the guy looking to get laid.

Now if you are looking for a serious relationship, online dating can also be effective. You can find out if they have rugrats before bothering to get their phone numbers, waste $40 on dinner, and evaluate their intelligence (which can usually be done within the first few sentences of their profiles). Before you spend one second on the phone acting like you care what a chick is saying you will at least know what the pay off will be.

ONLINE PHOTO WARNING
You have to be careful of the picture. If a chick only has face shots, it’s because she doesn’t want to show off her body. Here is a classic example. Click the picture to see the full body shot of what appears to be a pretty cute girl.

CAPTAIN’S CONCLUSIONS

1. Online dating is good for getting laid, for less.
2. The best chance of long lasting relationships is the old fashioned way of friends hooking you up with a friend but online dating can work.

Do you have any good on-line dating horror stories? Let’s hear ‘em.

This is your Captain speaking.
-CJ

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THE CAPTAIN PERSONALLY
ENDORSES THIS PROGRAM

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE M.M.R. (Man Movie Review) - From a non-comic expert

2009-05-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

Wolverine will go down as one of 2009’s Man Movies!!

There was no sappy love thing going on, it was “Man Shags Chick” Period!– Yeah!

I am not going to get into the details of he story lines, or Hugh's acting ability in this review, I will leave that to the Pro's (links are below). I just want to talk about the enjoyment factor.

The movie’s opening sequence is nothing but a testosterone filled, supernatural, gruesome generation Y version of the Dirty Dozen. The movie closely follows the Wolverine story, the special affects are great and the action sequences are what movies are all about.

I’m so glad I didn’t waste time, or energy watching the heavily rotated pirated copy. This was a man-fest that needed to be enjoyed with the full cinematic experience.

What does Wolverine do for a living – Lumberjack! It doesn’t get any more testosterone fueled then that. He drives pick up truck, rides a vintage motorcycles, bangs a hot chick, and rips people apart with his bare hands (claws).

Appropriately Hugh Jackman slashed Mathew McConaughey at the box office.

If you went to see Ghost of Girlfriend’s past this weekend with your girlfriend, wife or significant other you should be banned from this blog….but then again, that’s why we are here.

To help you get back your balls!
This is your captain speaking
CJ

PROFESSIONAL MOVIE REVIEWS

NY Times Wolverine Review

Roger Ebert Chicago Sun Times

LA Times Wolverine Review

Click for Wolverine Wall Papers

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ASK THE CAPTAIN

2009-04-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

Tony from N.C. writes:
Dear Captain,

Just recently my girlfriend asked to move in with me. When I told her that I wasn't ready, it was a complete shock to her and now our relationship is spiraling out of control. Should I let her move in to put things back on track and get my sweet loving girlfriend back?

Tony, Tony, Tony,
This answer comes in two parts:

PART I
I'm not sure how old you are but you should not entertain the notion of moving anyone in your house until you are at least 27 years old. Moving in is like getting married; once they are in they are hard or impossible to get out. If you aren’t sure then you aren’t sure. You will never be 100% sure, but if you are 75/25 forget about it!

PART II
If you give her what she wants just because she is acting like a bitch; you've just wrote the script for the remainder of your relationship. She will now have a license to act like a bitch whenever you are not giving her exactly what she wants! You bagged her, you can always bag another. Men have the option of Y&H (Younger & Hotter) women don't. I am getting more, younger hotter tail now then I was when I was 25. Men get more confident, wise, arrogant and wealthier with age. This attracts hotter women. You will always have that going for you.

CONCLUSION:
Sit her down for a serious conversation. Tell her that the last thing you want to do is create a situation that is miserable for you both. Then in no uncertain terms; you tell her to
FIX HER ATTITUDE, or you will drop her like a bad transmission!! Say it and mean it.

-This is your Captain speaking
Men, let's Take Our Ball Back (T.O.B.B.)

Moving In
Relationship
breaking up
Questions
Women

Real men......

2009-04-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

Real Men.......wear pink but never buy it for themselves!

-Submitted by Darius Carter

Email your Real Men quotes to: jack.the.cpt@gmail.com

Real Men....

2009-04-23T19:02:00.001-07:00

Real Men.......eat cold leftovers!

-Submitted by SHAWN

Email your Real Men quotes to: jack.the.cpt@gmail.com

REAL MEN.....

2009-04-23T18:06:00.001-07:00

Real Men....... know how to work the remote control in the dark!

-Submitted by Charles B

Email your Real Men quotes to: jack.the.cpt@gmail.com

CHI CITY 3 - KNOWS HOW TO TREAT THE LADIES

2009-04-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

Chi City is a Youtube favorite. I will occasionally post some of his clips because they are funny as hell...Man Szhit!

Kick back with a cold one and laugh a little today.

GOT TO PAY THE BILLS!

2009-04-20T15:16:00.001-07:00

ALL OF THESE WORK - NO SHZIT

Join and Post and you will make $10.00 / week

Join and Work aggressiely - The sky is the limit

MEN DON'T GET MARRIED!!!!!

2009-04-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I read something on the internet that reinforces my stance on marriage.

Mel Gibson has to reportedly relinquish half of his 640 million dollar empire to his ex-wife. OUCH! Who is Robyn Moore you ask? Exactly. She should be lucky enough that she had the pleasure of being Mel Gibson's wife for 28 years. Traveling the world, eating at the best restaurants, going to the best parties, driving the best cars. Do you think she would have been able to earn even 1 million on her own? Slim chance. She was a dental nurse!!

A stand up woman would take 10 million and walk away. The problem is that woman are "stand up" only when they are at the alter. No I’m not talking about 100% of women, I’m talking about the majority.

There is no benefit to a man to get married. Period! That's a fact. Not a thought, not an opinion, but a fact. all of the perceived benefits of marriage a man can get from a girlfriend, a bootycall, or a "friend with benefits". Then when she is acting up, you move on to the next. Without getting married you can do this without giving away Half your stuff.

Men, we are out here losing our jobs, taking pay cuts and scrambling to survive, while ex-wives are still collecting child support & alimony. You are driving a God-d%$n Ford focus, sleeping on a futon while she's got your house, your dog and your kids living the good life.

That's how it goes fellas. That marriage license is a license for the woman to act like a damn fool, and you can’t do anything about it otherwise your life gets divided in half.

Yes there’s benefits to the woman, yes there’s benefits to the kids but there are no benefits to the modern man. It’s sad but true. If you want to have kids I have on word for you: PRE-NUP!

How bad is Mel getting hit? It’s blows away the top 10 list of most expensive divorces. A matter a fact, if you add up numbers 4 thru 10 it equals about how much Robyn is getting.

1. Neil Diamond and Marcia Murphey - $150 million

2. Michael and Juanita Jordan - $150 million

3. Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving - $100 million4. Harrison Ford and Melissa Mathison - $85 million
5. Kevin Costner and Cindy Silva - $80 million
6. Paul McCartney and Heather Mills - $60 million7. James Cameron and Linda Hamilton - $50 million8. Michael and Diandra Douglas - $45 million
9. Lionel and Diane Richie - $20 million
10. Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall - $15 million

I know it's hard to feel sorry for a guy who has $340 million and a hot piece of young Russian A$$.

- This is your Captain speaking

T.O.B.B.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR MAN ...101

2009-04-17T13:08:00.001-07:00

Ok Woman, you are always wondering...

"How do you keep a man".

The answer is simple:

Men these days want traditional relationships. For a man with a job, a car and no kids - women are a dime a dozen. Really! A dime a dozen. When women realize that, they have to ask themselves, “What the hell am I bringing to this relationship that makes me unique”.

Sex - NO.

We all know that a man can go and get sex just about anywhere he wants.

“Money?”, NO -

9 times out of 10 a "Good" man will make more then you, has his own belongings, his own car and investments. He doesn't need your cheese.

Then what do you bring?

Yourself! You have to make yourself available. You have to not be a burden; that means no nagging. How do you make his life easier? If he is working 12 to 14 hours are you making sure he has food when he gets home? Is he coming home to a clean house? Or the opposite. Is he coming home to a nag, a messy house or an attitude.

If that's the case, you can easily be replaced. When a black woman is replaced by a white woman, it's not because white women are submissive or doormats, it's because they want to please a man. A black woman's struggles in life and upbringing has prevented her from this kind of nurturing.

It's not really a black or white thing, it's just that more black woman face adversity then white woman, but it's those woman who can't keep a good man. They are so used to going through the day on guard, being a B-I-T-C-H that they don't know when or how to turn it off.

Women are going into relationships with the thinking, “What can he do for me?” Wrong attitude to have.

If your man goes, now you know why.

CJ

Comments & Emails.......

2009-04-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

I see I have already caused quite a stir. People are cursing me out, emailing me, calling me a sellout and sending me notes. I will post all comments and list one or two comments with my response to them. Then I will move on to the next topic.

Men email any questions that you want answered and they will be addressed in a Q&A session posting.

Shout out to all my fans and haters & to the men......let's get our balls back!

A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT

2009-04-16T13:31:00.001-07:00

Woman often wonder how they can get more from a man. How can they make their man more romantic? The simple answer is to show some appreciation. Woman walk around with this sense of entitlenent. Men are EXPECTED to pay for drinks, men are EXPECTED to pay for dinner. Ladies these are gifts. When they stop being gifts and become expectations then there is a problem. Living in the Midwest; you have all four seasons. When the sun shines we are greatful because we haven't learned to expect it.

When a Woman lives with a man she often wonders what her man is doing for her. She complains of never getting flowers or getting taken out to dinner; meanwhile her man is paying bills and hustling to keep cell phones on, keep food on the table, and rent paid. It's easy for someone else to buy roses or candy. That's how woman end up cheating. Some random guy, who is not expected to do anything, does something small. Some random guy, buys flowers, tells your girl that she looks nice today, buys a dinner, and the woman is "all in". Your boyfriend / Husband is home doing all of the heavy lifting and you are swooned by this guy holding the door for you.

Woman it's your own fault. If you feel you are entitled, then how can a man ever surprise you? If it's expected then it's not a gift. You have zapped the power out of a man to make you happy; and for a man that is everything. Once the man, can't be your superman; then he is powerless and his interest begans to fade.

Men go to prosittues simply because they are attentive and can act being happy and or excited by the small things that a man does. They make a man feel like he is their hero. Yes it could cost them a few hundred (or Thousand) but it's what he is not getting at home.

I am not asking you woman to ACT like you appreciate things, but really, truly appreciate the things your man does for you. If you don't and he is not your superman then leave him and find one that is. Then that will be a win win.

CJ

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